This post contains a lot of profanity. Like a shitload.
I bought a new laptop a month ago, which for me is like moving to a new apartment. Getting it set up the way that I want it has been a total pain in the ass. Mostly because I have decided to save money by implementing key features myself, but also because the relentless march of progress in the PC market has left me behind. This was an uncharacteristic purchase for me, but I wanted a powerful laptop that I could write, code, play games, and run multiple VMs on. In short, I violated my first rule of personal computing, which is to use dedicated computers for specific tasks.
The goals were:
- Be made mostly of aluminum – my laptops tend to have case or hinge problems before they have actual hardware problems, although when they do have hardware problems, it’s almost always the hard drive.
- Be ready for anything – have 16gb of RAM, an SSD, USB3.0 and a high end GPU
- Have a big screen and full size keyboard – this is replacing a full-sized laptop
- Have ample storage – I also bought a caddy to go into the CDROM bay to house a second hard drive
- Be encrypted – I normally don’t keep important things on laptops, or gaming rigs, but this is my main computer now
- Be backed up regularly – I am not usually a stickler for backups because I use several computers. But with this machine, I want to be able to do a full disk image fairly easily
I have built enterprise servers in less time than I have spent tweaking this fucking laptop. I have more or less achieved all of my goals at the considerable expense of my time and possibly my sanity. There are three major sources of my discontent. The first is that copying a Windows install to a smaller drive is wildly difficult and Asus makes the process even more so. The second, is that Modern versions of Windows are not very friendly with the block crypto tools that I trust. The third is that because I decided to remove the optical drive, I wanted dual-boot Windows with my favorite cloning tool, Clonezilla.
Part 1 – Solid State Drama
I went with the Asus N550jx because it is a mostly aluminum mid-range gaming laptop with a big screen, full size keyboard with keypad, and a touch screen. I can sort of take or leave touchscreens on laptops, but my wife is a fan. I like for she and I to have the same model of laptop. That way, when she runs into problems, I am already very familiar with the hardware and software she is using. The N550jx comes in two models: one with 8GB of RAM and a 1TB mechanical HDD, and one with 16GB of RAM and a 240GB SSD. Both models have the same processor, GPU, screen, and case, and I was able to price another 8GB of ram and a 250GB SSD for almost half the price of the difference between the two models, for a savings of roughly $200. It was a
mistake brilliant idea!
Getting the upgrades installed was a series of misadventures. The first obstacle was that for no good goddamn reason, Asus decided to use #5 Torx screws on the chassis. I have plenty of star bit screw drivers from working on Compaq computers back in the Dark Ages, but no #5’s. So what any red-blooded All American Man would do. First, I went on the Internet and complained, and then I ordered yet another set of screwdriver bits from Amazon.
With the SSD and RAM in place, it was time to get the OS off the mechanical drive onto the SSD. In the past, moving an install of Windows was simply a matter of shrinking partitions with GParted and cloning them with Clonezilla. With the Asus N550jx and Windows 8.1, there is a bunch of bullshit associated with hidden restore partitions with weird flags and whatnot. It is this bullshit that thwarted my countless attempts to migrate the partitions correctly. I even used pirated copies of notable commercial disk cloning tools like Norton Ghost and AOMEI with little success. After a few days of trial and error, I ended up just doing a clean install of Win8 on the SSD. Fortunately, Microsoft lets you create your own install media from an activated Windows system, and Asus is kind enough to make drivers and utilities available on their website for download. So after much installing of software, I had a working OS on the SSD.
All of this trial and error is why I am a huge fan of bare metal backups. I have used all manner of tools and other nonsense to back up Windows and/or data, and the only thing that is truly reliable is dumping the entire drive to an image file on a separate drive. Copying data always leads to missed files, and snapshots and restore points become corrupted especially when malware is involved. Rolling an infected PC back to a restore point is the fastest way to get rid of malware, so most crackers wipe out your restore points as part of the exploit process. Because of this, I don’t really care about recovery partitions, or restore points, or any of that other bullshit. If my laptop eats itself, I just want to roll it back to where it was just before the last time I tried to do something stupid to it. I understand that your typical consumer isn’t familiar with imaging hard drives, and that is why those other tools exist, but for me it’s Clonezilla or GTFO.
Stay tuned for Part 2: Solid State Drama’s Revenge 🙂